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12 days of Christmas: What happens when you have the wrong size
What happens when you have the wrong sized item? With hilarious tales from Santa, find out why wearing the wrong size can cause chaos and discomfort with the 12 days of Christmas and why a Mister Size condom really is the greatest gift you can have this Christmas…
On the 1st day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
Let me tell you this story: several centuries ago, one of my elves, known as Sugarplum Mary, had broken their curly-toed slippers and had forgotten to have a back-up pair. There was no time to repair them, so they had to wear an old large pair that they found buried in the workshop. They put their tiny pointy toes into these large green slippers and all day long, they walked around in discomfort, tripping over every time they walked. Despite their best efforts, poor Superplum Mary wasn’t able to feel satisfied with any of the activities they had been scheduled to take part in that day - since that day, Superplum Mary always makes sure they are wearing the right sized shoes and has a back-up pair… just in case they break.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
I once arrived at this quaint little thatched cottage, located in a small village in the South of England. As I arrived at the bottom of the snow-filled chimney, I saw two children’s stockings hanging over the fireplace. One of the children had hung a red stocking that was far too big that it drooped down low into the fireplace - hoping for more presents I thought to myself. But as I went to take a present out of my red Christmas sack, I turned around and saw that the long red stocking had caught on fire! I managed to put out the fire, but if I hadn't been there - who knows what could have happened? From this day on, I try to remind people to make sure they are hanging the correct-sized stockings so we can avoid any unpleasant circumstances that may arise from using one that’s far too long.
On the 3rd day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
Last Christmas, the elves had made so many presents I worried how I would deliver them all. To save time, I thought I could squeeze all the presents into my average-sized yellow sack. It was hard work, and I grunted and struggled, pushing more and more presents into my sack. I thought it had worked and I was thoroughly pleased with myself, until I started to carry my presents off and the sack split… spilling presents everywhere. These days, I always make sure the elves have supplied me with the right sized sack…
On the 4th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
Once upon a time, I was just about to leave my workshop on Christmas eve; the presents were on the sleigh, the reindeers had eaten and been sprinkled with magic fairy dust and I was dressed in my large red suit. I was sitting in my seat with the reins in my hands and we were just about to set off when I heard a loud bang behind me. I turned around and noticed that there was a large hole in my sleigh. Quick as a flash, the elves came to it and brought our back-up sleigh - the presents were all transferred, the reindeers were attached to the new sleigh - but we noticed a huge problem. The sleigh was too small to fit the large amount of presents that the sack kept falling off. It made me appreciate how important my perfectly-sized sleigh is and I could never imagine using the wrong-sized sleigh again…
On the 5th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
As I was getting ready to stop on the roof of an old Victorian house, I looked down and noticed a man, sitting alone, at his dinner table with his knife and fork in his hand - ready to tuck into his Christmas dinner. As I looked closer, I noticed that the Christmas hat that he had recently pulled out of a Christmas cracker and had placed upon his head was too large and had slipped over his eyes, preventing him from tucking in. Oh how I chuckled to myself! He was trying to eat his Christmas dinner blindfolded. Ho Ho Ho!
On the 6th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
Did you hear about the time I got stuck down the chimney? I had feasted on too many delicious mince pies and my large round belly was too big to fit down the chimney - I felt like I was going to burst. My beard was black, there was soot in my sack and my nose was tingling too. From that moment on, I always remember that going through a wrong sized chimney is awfully uncomfortable - not that different from wearing the wrong sized condom.
On the 7th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
Have I ever told you about the time I attended a department store? My helper had called in sick and I was asked to cover. The store was beautifully lit with twinkling Christmas lights and everyone was feeling very merry and joyful while the children could sit on my knee and tell me what they wanted for Christmas. As a father placed their child on my knee, I looked up and noticed that his green Christmas jumper was far too small that his belly was showing - it looked awfully tight. I chuckled to myself, shaking my big round belly, and asked the child whether I should send her father a Christmas jumper that actually fit? Let’s hope it’s the only thing that doesn’t fit this Christmas! Ho Ho Ho.
On the 8th day of Christmas, Santa said to me...
One Christmas, the elves and I were in the workshop, wrapping up the remainder of the Christmas presents ready to deliver them the very next day when all of a sudden, we heard one of the elves start shouting in frustration. As we ran over to see what was the matter, we saw on the table, a square box, with the smallest bit of wrapping paper - the silly elf had run out of wrapping paper for his gift. He hadn’t measured his present properly, and was trying to wrap it up with the wrong size paper. I told the elf to always measure up, before wrapping up his gift, to make sure he has the perfect fit…
On the 9th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
At Christmas, I once witnessed a family try to squeeze what they thought was a perfect-sized turkey into an under-sized oven. They thought they could make it work, and they pushed and squeezed this turkey into the oven - but did it fit? The door managed to close, but it was squashed so much it didn’t cook as well and they couldn’t get the juices flowing so their Christmas dinner was thoroughly ruined. Moral of the story? Always be prepared with the right-sized oven...
On the 10th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
There was a time when I witnessed a family make the silliest mistake. They had purchased an average-sized Christmas tree and were getting ready to decorate it. As they pulled their Christmas fairy lights out of the cardboard box and started to wrap them around the tree - they soon realised that they hadn’t measured the correct length they needed so the twinkling lights would only wrap around the top of the tree and get this? they couldn’t even be plugged in! I felt so bad that I sent them the correct sized lights with a note about always making sure to measure before you purchase…
On the 11th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
Do you remember the story about the man who had attended the department store wearing the tiniest Christmas jumper that didn’t fit? Well the next year, the very same man came back - bringing his child with him. He had purchased a new Christmas jumper, but this one looked worse than the one he wore last year - it was two sizes too big and there was fabric hanging everywhere. Poor man - he had just guessed the correct size before buying it - so neither jumper fitted properly. I took him over to the Christmas jumper section and made sure they measured him up before purchasing the correct size jumper - if you don’t measure, how do you know what the correct size is?
On the 12th day of Christmas, Santa said to me…
A long time ago, Mrs Claus was asked to make a Christmas speech about the festivities that happen at the North Pole. On this occasion, Mrs Claus had knitted herself a pair of red and white stockings so she could stay toasty and warm. However, during the speech, her stockings kept falling down and she had to keep pulling them back up. Mrs Claus was so embarrassed - she had knitted them one size too big - she soon found out that there’s nothing worse than wearing the wrong size, so she always double checks her stockings are perfectly-fitted before she does anything.
Over the last twelve days, you’ve heard tales of what happens when you have the wrong size, so let me tell you a secret that will feel like a gift on Christmas Day. With a Mister Size condom, you never have to worry about wearing a condom that feels too small and could burst at any moment, or one that’s too big that it doesn’t protect you fully. With seven different sizes, there really is a size for everyone. A condom that fits and is the perfect size is really a gift for everyone…
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